Waiting

It's been a week and a half since we became licensed foster parents. As crazy as it sounds, I'm so grateful that God's giving me this extra time to emotionally prepare. We've waited so long, but the idea of being approved has had its own set of readiness issues. We can literally be within hours of having a baby in the house. It's real now.

So, I'm cleaning, praying and getting my heart ready. The longer we go without a baby, the longer it is before someone is in the desperate situation that took their child away. I'm fine with the wait. But, thanks to God, I'm ready when it's over.

His Will

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written. My plan was to document every little step along the way through our foster parenting journey. But the little steps have been excruciating and my energy has been utterly stolen over the past few months. Somehow I believe that my inability to write will speak louder than if I would have written every day.

The frustrations along the way were expected. Becoming a licensed foster parent isn’t a perfect process. What set me reeling is the emotional hurricane that swelled beside me as I began my trek. It’s painfully obvious that before God was going to use me in this way, He was going to fix me. And I was more broken than I realized.

When we look at our lives through the lenses of society, it’s so easy to become dissatisfied. We seek the approval of others, desire to be noticed, accepted and loved. We want. But when we look through the lenses of the eternal, we see that all those things are nothing compared to fulfilling the purpose of God. We can see the chaff compared to His will. I had to stop looking through the lenses of this world and see through eyes from heaven. I had to get the focus off of me and put it directly on God. I had to want, but I had to want what He wanted.

And that has been my lesson learned through this experience. God couldn’t use me until I had my priorities in place. It was a difficult process, but one that I wouldn’t change for anything. I slip back into brokenness now and then, but I finally feel healed for the first time in my life. He can use me now. How could I ask for anything greater than that.