Graduated

Saturday afternoon we graduated from our Foster Parenting class. I thought I’d feel nothing but relief - three months of Saturdays, hours of homework, emotional upheavals- finally completed. But, I didn’t feel relieved at all. I felt drained and exhausted. And scared.

We were interviewed after graduation by our trainer, the next step toward certification. This entire time I thought it would be extremely difficult to get the opportunity to foster a baby because everyone wants to foster babies. And, of course, we heard so much about the older children. But during the interview our trainer said that there’s actually a great need for foster parents like us. I stay at home. That means that the babies under six weeks old will need us since they won’t be able to go into daycare. It also means that we’ll be called for the babies addicted to drugs and alcohol that need extra care.

When she first said that, my mind immediately shut down. No way do I want a baby addicted to crack, going through withdrawal. I don’t want to have to watch an infant in writhe in pain, that can’t stand to be touched, and know that even when they are through withdrawal, they will most likely face a lifetime of psychotropic drugs, behavioral issues and delays. It’s terrifying.

So, Saturday afternoon, I tried to process it all. Little by little, I felt God changing my heart. I told Him that I didn’t want Him to change my heart. I really don’t want to want a drug addicted baby. But, if I choose to follow God’s footsteps, that means following them wherever He goes. Even if that’s straight to a child that is far from perfect.

What I do know, and will always know, is that His footsteps never go the wrong way. No matter the child or children we have in our home, they will touch the lives of others with their stories and glorify God with their triumphs.

This hasn’t been easy, and I don’t see it getting easier. But, I think I’m okay with that. Even if I don’t want to be.