Roller Coasters

We boarded this roller coaster we’re on a couple months ago now, I guess. We’re all buckled in, smiling in anticipation. Our knuckles are white on the safety bar as we’re ready to experience something exhilarating, exciting, fun and just this side of terrifying. We’ve started the ascent. We can hear the tick, tick, tick of the coaster’s car over the track. And we’re moving. So. Very. Slowly.

In the middle of the biggest decision of our lives to foster, God called me to another biggest decision of our lives. Matt and I decided that we’re going to home school the girls next year. How I know that we can do both, foster and home school, has absolutely everything to do with God’s timing. If He would have called us to home school before He called us to foster, I’m not sure how ready I would have been to listen. Now, it’s just another thrilling turn (and maybe a loop-to-loop) on our journey to come.

“Use Me, Lord!” Those words are propelling this ride forward. And with God at the controls, how can I fear?

In the Wait

I asked God today to show me He was in this with me. I would never test Him. I know He’s faithful. But, sometimes I just really need to hear it over and over that I’m on the right path. As the wait trudges on toward the fostering classes, I’m finding it more and more difficult to remain patient. No surprises there, if my past has anything to say about it. I’ve never been one to want to wait. One of these days I will be able to tell Him, “Lesson learned!” But, until then, I assume He’ll continue to burn away the chaff.

It was just a few moments ago during my quiet time that I asked God to reveal Himself to me. I’m usually the type to play Bible roulette. I can’t say it’s always the best way to find an answer, but it’s worked for me enough that it’s my first course of action.

Today I found two verses that spoke to me.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

I so needed to hear from Him today and I’m so grateful for His word.

This process has given me a very small glimpse into how Mary felt when she ‘treasured up these things and pondered things in her heart.” Of course I’ll never begin to understand how it would feel to have given birth to the Savior of the Universe, but I feel like what we’re getting ready to do is so important to me, so directed by God, that it’s hard to write about. It's so personal. I’ll find myself over the course of the day, just overwhelmed in the excitement and gratitude that I just start crying. A wonderful cry.

That’s why I haven’t written a whole lot. I’m in the middle of the wait. Still blindly following the only One I can ever fully trust.

So, I'll follow and I'll wait, knowing that I have to be courageous, and not terrified or discouraged. Because the God that will create the life we’re going to look after in the near future is also the God that will give me the love of a mother with the supernatural strength to be able to let go if or when I have to.

From Rhyan

When I walked in the room were Evynn was born, my mom handed me Evynn and I sat down. I slowly ran my fingers down Evynn’s cheek she did a cute little wince. Once Evynn was born everything changed. I was not alone, I had a sister to play with, and I was so excited. Once Evynn grew, and knew how to really talk, we played family. I was the Mom, Evynn was a teenager, and the baby would be an baby doll. It would be more fun having a younger sibling instead of a plastic baby doll.

A few years later I went to my church. The kids had to stay in the church while the parents cleaned the building. There was this baby named Cameron that I met while I was at the church. I was allowed to hold him.

Its awesome seeing him every Sunday, but it would be better having a baby always there.
Ever since I new Cameron I say a little hi to him on every Sunday.

My sister has never been a big sister that’s why she wants an baby. I want an baby because I like babies.

All signed up!

We received our class schedule last night, so we are official!

Orientation is July 23rd and classes begin the following week. We won't be finished until October 8th and then there will be home studies and paperwork. It's a long process, but I completely understand. And I'm grateful that the state is so diligent. I'm not known to be a very patient person when it comes to things like this, so I welcome any lesson.

Rhyan's friend, L, came over today. They are so close so quickly, it makes me smile. I talked to her mom today and met her sister (who was adopted first). They have solidified our decision by their grace and love for each other. What a miracle.

Rhyan has started writing about our endeavor, and wants to be included in the blog. She'll probably be finished by tomorrow and I'll post it.

I'm so excited. I have no idea where we're going and I've never felt more at peace or free. I'm overflowing. :)

I was twelve years old when I wrote my first book. The story revolved around orphaned children searching for a mommy and daddy to call their own. That was the very first I remember God whispering over my heart, tendering it toward one day adopting.

It’s been two years since Matt and I first began talking about fostering a child. Looking back on it now, I can see how God has walked us down this path with baby steps. He knows us so well.

Six months ago, Rhyan, our nine year old daughter, began praying that we would have a baby. At the time, I remember thinking, “God, can my prayers override hers?” Now I just smile to see that she knew what to pray more than I did.

Last week, Matt and I were talking about babies. My pregnancies and deliveries were amazing. I loved every second of both and couldn’t have been happier with my newborn daughters. So, the fact that Matt and I agreed that we didn’t want another biological child spoke of the Lord’s involvement in our decision. We both agreed that fostering to adopt was the right choice.

The desire that is so strong on my heart, would be not to foster at all, but to adopt a newborn.

That Monday afternoon, Rhyan came home and suddenly had a brand new best friend at school. I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder why they became so close so fast.“ They talked on the phone Monday and Tuesday. Rhyan was so excited when she found out L’s mom was going to be at the school for lunch the next day at the same time I was. Rhyan wanted me to meet her.

Wednesday morning, I was pretty discouraged after talking to the woman with child services. She said that adopting a newborn can happen, but it’s not typical. I surrendered to God and said what I will most likely say again and again during this process, “Your will be done Lord.” I have to trust.

An hour later, I left for the school to have lunch with Rhyan. L’s mom was already there. Of the many years the girls have had the same teacher and been in the same class, I’ve never even seen L’s mom, D. Well, I sure did meet her that day.

D and I were talking about our husbands and I mentioned that Matt worked at Children’s Home Society. She told me that she and her husband went through Children’s Home Society to take the MAPS class 12 years ago. MAPS is what they called the foster parenting classes (called PRIDE now). D said that the day after they signed the certification papers, CHS called them and said they had a birth mother wanting to give up her baby. She never did foster, they adopted right away. The greatest desire of my heart, and God placed someone right in front of me who‘s same desire came to life.

That was the most divine moment I can ever remember. I’ve never felt so much like He put someone in my path as He did that day. I prayed about it that morning and He gave me a direct answer. I must have faith. I must trust. How can I not?

About 5:00 that same afternoon, the woman scheduling classes called to see if we were still interested. No doubt about it.

July 23rd will start off our classes to become foster/adoptive parents. This is a journey unlike anything we’ve ever been on. There are no answers, no guarantees. But we are ready to follow His footsteps where ever He may lead. La’akov.