Facing the Hurt

I couldn’t bring a child into our home without loving him with all my heart.  I had to give him all of me.  It’s not the best way to be as a foster mother.  But, even in the pain, I believe it’s the only way to be.

I’ve prayed for a year and a half that God would put a child in our lives that we would adopt.  I prayed that we wouldn’t have to hurt, we wouldn’t have to face challenges or trials.  I believed that He would be powerful enough to do what everyone said couldn’t be done.  And He is.  Even if His answer is ‘no’.

I know He can move mountains and Baby could stay with us. But, if the best place for him is with another family, then I trust my God.  He is faithful, He is just, and thankfully, He is all-knowing.  He’s known this child since before he was conceived and He knows him into eternity.  He makes no mistakes. 

So, I am preparing myself.  I stare into Baby’s eyes and think of all that the other care-givers don’t know.  They don’t know his cries.  They don’t know when he’s tired and when he just wants to look at something different.  They don’t know how to rock him when he’s ready for sleep or that he needs to be bundled with one arm out.  They don’t know that he loves the fan and car rides and walks and baths.  Or how he looks for me when he hears my voice and he smiles at the girls and quiets down when he sees them.  He’s a part of our family.

And then he won’t be. 

I’m facing this heartache to care for this child, to give him a safe place and a loving home.  But beyond that, my first and always my first, purpose is to glorify and honor God in every situation.  I hope I’m doing just that, because He is worthy.  I trust Him completely to guard, love, cherish and protect this baby so that one day he will know His name and love Him to change the world.  I trust Him to give him what I won’t be able to.

“I will cover you with my hands and protect you.”  Isaiah 51:16