Peace

My favorite time of the day is early in the morning.  It’s when Baby is the biggest cuddle bug.  He rests his tiny head on my shoulder and nuzzles, completely calm. 

Evynn comes down soon after and we put him in his bouncer.  We have a contest to see who can make him give us the biggest smile.  Rhyan eventually makes her way downstairs and joins us.  She’s the best at getting him to ‘talk‘.  He gets sleepy about the time we’re ready to begin school.  The rest of the day rushes forward, but in those few special moments, there is perfect peace.

Peace.  I have it.  I don’t understand it, and in some strange way I don’t know if I want it.  Baby is, again, scheduled to leave.  Monday’s court date is to put him in a relative’s home.  Again, I’m preparing my heart to say ‘good-bye’.  Again, I’m getting his things together and making all there is with our time together.  Peace almost feels like a betrayal to how much I care for him.  How can I feel peace if my heart’s on the edge, ready to shatter? 

I know the answer.  It’s in His word.  And He is His word.  Peace.  It surpasses my understanding and keeps me hoping for all that He’s promised - to keep this child safe, to love him completely because He formed him in his mother’s womb; to guard him and keep him safe in the shadow of His wings.  In my peace I find hope, because I continue to search for His will and lean on the knowledge that He’s known this baby boy before the foundation of the earth and He knows him through eternity. 

Peace.  I have it.  I don’t understand it.  And whether I feel like I want it or not, I’m so, so very grateful for this PEACE.


Isaiah 26:3 You will guard him and keep him in perfect and
constant peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.